Choosing The Crown Over Love

I’m sprinting again.

From one meeting to the next, negotiating deals as if everything depends on it- an empire, my empire.

As I move through boardrooms, calls, deadlines and decisions, my mind flickers to the only two souls who truly anchor me-my kids.

Their future.

Their safety.

Their place in the world I’m building.

And then, almost unwillingly, the question I never want to face: Do I even want a man beside me in this journey- and what kind of man would he have to be to deserve that place?

I feel like a seesaw- charming one moment, guarded the next.

Soft-hearted but steel-willed.

Always pulled between desire and independence.

I know I’m fickle, but not out of confusion- out of survival.

Every heartbreak became a brick in the fortress I live in now.

Every disappointment taught me to listen to my pride before my emotions.

So I silently analyze any man who steps close.

Not out of cruelty- but as a shield.

A quiet protection to avoid falling into a softness I no longer trust.

Sometimes my mind drifts back to the father of Victoria.

Not with longing… but with curiosity.

If our paths crossed again, could a spark exist?

Would anything in me shift?

Maybe.

But the moment that thought appears, the Empress in me shuts it down.

Not because I’m bitter- but because I’m proud.

Because I’ve rebuilt myself too many times to gamble my peace again.

And then there are the handful of suitors who offer a “relationship” and even a “strong future.” Each one makes me wonder for a second: If I chose him, what would my life look like?

Would he elevate me-or distract me?

But before the fantasy grows roots, I snap back to reality.

Back to the sprint.

Back to building.

Focus, Avi.

You can’t afford distractions.

I say this to myself like a mantra.

Men are a distraction.

I know this.

I’ve lived this.

And yet, there’s still a softness inside me that refuses to die.

But the Empress in me always wins.

She guards the crown.

She protects the empire.

She chooses legacy over attachment every time.

So my heart shuts down.

My mind takes over.

And I keep running.

This is my daily tug-of-war- the woman who desires connection versus the Empress who was built for greatness.

But in the end, the Empress reigns.

She leads.

She decides.

She chooses the crown over love.

And the irony?

The love I keep running from is the very force that pushes me forward- the fire beneath my feet, the fuel of my ambition, the reason I sprint toward everything I’m destined to build.

Choosing the crown over love didn’t make me heartless.

It made me unstoppable.